


(I'm Not Strong Enough) For The Both of Us

by galaxymuke



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Post Episode: s03e09 The Climb, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, canon assumed character death, canon character death, episode rewrite: s02e09 the climb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:42:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7256599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galaxymuke/pseuds/galaxymuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the things Roy was unprepared for, losing his soulmate was the worst.</p><p>-</p><p>“Soulmate au where instead of your soulmates first words to you written on your skin it’s their last words you ever hear them say so you don’t know who your soulmate is until you lose them”</p>
            </blockquote>





	(I'm Not Strong Enough) For The Both of Us

**Author's Note:**

> What was I supposed to do? You know I love you

Roy remembers the day it happened—the day that the supposed last words he would ever hear his soulmate speak appeared.   
  
       He was seventeen, just getting home from a hold-up at a convenience store across the Glades when the skin directly above his heart began to burn. In retrospect, racing to the bathroom in order to look in the mirror without turning on any lights in the house  _ probably  _ wasn’t the best idea, but then Roy wasn't really known for his good ideas anyway. So he raced to the bathroom, taking his shirt off on the way, in between tripping over a poorly-placed coffee table and slamming his shoulder on the bathroom doorframe.   
  
He looked like an absolute mess, standing there in front of the mirror—his hair was askew from the ski mask he wore during the hold-up; Bruises bloomed all over his torso for various reasons, bloomed over the shoulder he hit on the doorframe; A deep gash ran above his eyebrow from last night's fight, blood still matted in the hair there. And yet—none of those things were as startling or concerning as the five words suddenly seared into his skin.

  
_ Remember that I love you. _ was carved directly over his heart, thin capital letters a faded pink like a scar, rather than the usual black tattoo. 

  
It wasn’t quite fear Roy felt while he stood there, clutching at the cracked porcelain of the sink so hard his knuckles turned white. If anything, he felt kind of sick. He wasn’t suppose to have a soulmate—had made his peace with that knowledge years ago. Roy had already lost so many people, he didn't want to lose any more. He didn't even want the possibility of losing anyone else.

  
Obviously, life or fate or whatever you wanted to call it had other plans. 

  
Since then, what had already been a difficult situation became even worse. For the life of him, it was suddenly too hard for Roy to try and keep a healthy relationship. He always screwed it up, one way or another, always managed to jump ship whenever the ' _ L _ ' word reared its ugly head. Something about not knowing who his soulmate was until it was too late made Roy's insides freeze. It just seemed easier to get in a row with whoever he was dating at the time and say (read: scream) their final words as soon as possible, rather than wait for them to creep up out of nowhere and crush his whole world. Corrupt way of thinking? Yes, but that didn't seem to stop him. It was almost like he had an addiction to it, to the need to find out of this relationship was the one. If these words matched the ones carved on his chest.    
  
They never did, and that was both a relief and a burden somehow.    
  
Then he met Thea Queen. Thea—with her brash personality and no-shit attitude and overflow of confidence. She was always so sure of herself, always so stubborn, yet filled with enough love to end a war ten times over. And for a moment, the prospect of her being his soulmate wasn't terrifying. For the first time in years, Roy allowed himself to love, allowed himself to be loved, and didn't freak out when Thea told him _ I love you _ instead of  _ goodbye _ .   
  
Because the words were never right.    
  
They didn't match up with what was written over his heart, though some days they came dangerously close. But even when Thea left Starling City during the siege, and Roy felt like a part of him went with her, the words weren't right.   
  
Thea wasn't his soulmate, but that didn't mean he loved her any less.   
  
After she left, Roy all but threw himself into aiding Team Arrow. He set aside the thought of soulmate sand last words and tried to focus on being the vigilante's sidekick. ( _ Partner _ , he'd say, with enough conviction sometimes that he would almost convince himself he and Oliver could be equals. Almost.)    
  
The beginning of the end started with a few too many late nights spent alone with Oliver in the foundry—sparring or perfecting Roy's aim with an arrow or increasing his agility. Sometimes they would just  _ be _ , would sit in mutual silence while Oliver forged new arrowheads, while Roy tried to convince himself that being around Oliver didn't feel  _ so damn much _ like being home. Because while Roy was willing to admit that he found Oliver intriguing, even when he was with Thea, he wasn't willing to admit that the feeling was anything more than hero-worship. He wasn't ready to admit the heat that made its home in his chest whenever Oliver smiled at him amounted to anything  _ real _ .    
  
So for a while, Roy pretended the urge to spend as much time around Oliver—not the  _ Arrow _ , but  _ Oliver _ —as possible was simply fueled by the fact that he reminded him so much of Thea (of course he did, they were related after all) but that wasn't the only reason. There was something inside of Roy that was drawn to Oliver, something that went beyond the hero-worship, beyond the gratitude that came with Oliver practically saving Roy's life. He didn't have a way to explain it, not completely, but being around Oliver made Roy feel calm—even in the most fear-inducing situations. It was as if being by Oliver's side meant he was home. And that was... Terrifying? Relieving? Roy wasn't actually sure, but it reminded him of the way his mother told him about his father when he was young.    
  
It reminded him of the way he wished he'd felt around Thea, and that had to mean something, didn't it?     
  
Eventually, Roy began embracing the fact that being around Oliver felt like  _ calm _ ; like  _ safe and right and home _ .  (I.e. Felicity took it upon herself to force the two of them to admit how they really felt about each other after a particularly dangerous mission which resulted in Oliver not-so-accidentally kissing Roy out of pure relief that he was okay.) Something about the whole situation made Roy feel like he's finally found his soulmate, last words be damned.   
  
Then the ground gave way beneath them, and Roy's world came crashing down.    
  
—   
  
"I have to do this." Oliver sets his bag down on the table, packing in a way that seemed too sporadic to have any rhyme or reason behind it.    
  
"I know," Diggle says, and his voice is too soft for how dire the situation was, how dire the conversation was, "I'd just rather die than let you go it alone."    
  
The statement hangs heavy in the air, and Roy kind of feels like he can't breathe. Because if anyone should be saying that to Oliver, it should be him. Except, he can't seem to force his mouth to form any words and, ironically, that makes him want to scream.    
  
This entire situation was a mess, and Roy had no way of cleaning it up. It was all Merlyn's fault, and the bastard wasn't even willing to own up to it. Something inside of Roy breaks, he's sure of it, because when Oliver takes a step towards him, only to hold himself back and curl his hands into fists on the table top, it feels like rough shards have splintered inside of him, digging into Roy's heart and his stomach and every other possible bit of his being they could reach.   
  
And as much as it hurts to do so, Roy forces himself to look at him, look at  _ Oliver _ . He forces himself to meet the other man's gaze, even when it's brutally obviously that Oliver is doing everything in his power to look anywhere  _ but  _ at Roy. And Roy sees something reflected there, in those damn eyes that refused to focus on anything tangible right now—there were so many feelings, so many words, the kind that always seemed to keep him tongue-tied. Roy sees so much and so little, all at the same time. Sees the Oliver he met last year, the one who held so many god damn secrets and told so many lies, desperate to keep everyone safe, even though it was all out of his control. He sees the Oliver he fell in love with, the goddamn bleeding heart he was, who would do just about anything to keep his sister safe, even if that meant dying. He sees the man who somehow captured his heart over the past heart, the one who probably always held it to begin with.    
  
He sees the Oliver that he's going to lose if he doesn't fucking  _ say something. _ __  
  
He doesn't get the chance to, not yet, because Diggle speaks up, in that quiet voice of his, informing the both of them that he's going back upstairs to give them a minute alone.    
  
After the door closes with a metallic clang, the room goes silent for a few beats too long.    
  
"So you're going then," Roy begins, and his voice is rough in the way that warns him he could cry, "To Nandar Parbat?"    
  
"No," Oliver says, and he sets the bag he'd been packing aside, finally daring to fully look at Roy, "To a neutral site. It'll be fine—I'll come back, and Thea will be okay."    
  
"That doesn't sound very convincing." And it doesn't. Even though Oliver’s life revolved around lies, he was a shit liar, and this was shoddy, even for him. Roy's voice nearly breaks when he continues, "I wish you wouldn't go, but I know you better than that, so I won't ask you to stay."    
  
"Thank you," Oliver says, but it sounds more forced than anything, like he's trying his hardest to remain level headed while everyone else spiraled. A moment later he adds, "Roy, I need you do something for me." And he sounds serious, stepping around the table to stand face-to-face with Roy.    
  
"What?" He asks, tries not to startle when Oliver takes his hand and tugs him up against his chest.    
  
"Remember that I love you." As soon as the words are out in the open, Roy swears his blood runs cold. Because  _ no _ , no this can't be happening  __ so soon . He knows those words, sees them every day in the mirror, and it is too damn soon for Oliver to be saying them.    
  
Roy rests his head against Oliver's shoulder, curls in closer to his embrace and never wants to let go. "Oli," he says, and this time his voice does break, "Why does that sound so much like goodbye?"    
  
Only silence follows, but it wasn't like Roy expected anything else. He wasn't even sure why he said it, he'd just wanted to buy himself more time with the person he loved. He spends the few extra seconds he's got focusing on memorizing the sound of Oliver's heartbeat. And it's all too soon before Oliver finally pulls away. The bottom of Roy's vision is blurred with tears, and he's trying really fucking hard not to cry, but when Oliver presses one final kiss to his forehead, that thing that broke inside of his chest earlier digs into his heart just a little bit more.    
  
Roy knows this is the end, can feel the ache in his bones regardless of those last worlds,  but he never imagined it would hurt this bad.

**Author's Note:**

> Please just stay. (tumblr: @bringmethehcrizcn)


End file.
